this is where i'm talking to myself.

i haven't blogged in two weeks. or showered. just kidding on one of those. 

the bff came to visit and i just didn't feel like blogging despite the fact that i have an entire list of things to blog about. interestingly, this post is about none of those things. 

i have an iphone. obviously. i love my iphone. like, maybe borderline-addiction-love my iphone. i love that the world is literally at my fingertips. oh what's that? you don't know the name of that guy from that one show that had the brown hair and said that one thing 3 years ago? let me google that for you. 

courtney is one of my most honest friends. that is why she is my bff. she could also throw her phone out the window, never pick it up again and be fine. so we're sort of different. a few times while she was here she said, "you are attached to your phone." or "why don't you just put your phone down." and the first time i was like, i am not. and then the second time i wanted to punch her (sorry court.) and then after a few more times i started really actually thinking about punching her, okay, fine. actually i started thinking about why she kept saying this over and over and over. it couldn't be because i'm addicted to my iphone. 

i can come up with 4 gagillion excuses why it's okay that i am so attached to my phone. i can justify the enormous amount of time i spend on it because i'm "staying connected with friends" and "being available to my girls" and "keeping up to date with what's going on in the world" and "promptly responding to emails." and while all those things are fine and great and whatever and there really are people who i can only connect with over instagram and twitter, when i'm saying yes to all of those things, i'm saying no to lots of other things. i'm saying no to being fully present, fully listening, and fully soaking in the time i have with the fleshy people in front of me. 

there is this phrase i've been hearing lately "fear of missing out" or FOMO. this article said that FOMO "can feel like an uncontrollable yearning to be two or more places at once, fueled by the fear that missing out on something could put a dent in your happiness, status, or career."  In the same article, a psychologist, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., says, "FOMO happens when we invalidate the experience we're having because we're obsessed with the ones we're not having." and really, truly, honestly, FOMO fuels my iphone addiction. i'm afraid of what i'm missing out on in virtual life so much that i'm seriously missing out on real life. 

this post from emily ley and this post and this post from gina zeidler also helped me see the light on this issue. (am i writing a research paper right now? haha.)

whenever me and courtney see each other, we always pull out our calendars and pick another time to see each other. usually this is great and wonderful and makes saying goodbye 100 times easier because we know we can hang out again in a month or so. it didn't really work that way this time and it turns out i won't see her again until the end of april which just sucks all kinds of ways. that realization helped me to really see what a time waster i am. i had only a few days with her and i spent a lot of it on my phone. next time will be different.

i followed gina's advice and moved/deleted some things on my phone. i deleted most of the short cuts on my google chrome toolbar and i'm trying to be present when i am with people.

i gave myself some lofty goals the other day that i have already failed at achieving, but i guess it's less about the goals and more about the reasons behind it.

"check instagram, facebook, and twitter only once per day. you must get over the fear of missing out. you are missing out on entirely more in your real, active, present life by checking these things than you are missing out on by checking them constantly. your life is whizzing by in front of you and around you. don't miss it."

hello life.
ko.