Sunday, October 12, 2014


picture from a trip to maui in 2010.
a little over a year ago i heard a song called "all is for your glory" by cory asbury (that link takes you to the laura hackett version though.) the bridge of that song says this:
"put me anywhere
just put Your glory in me
I'll serve anywhere
just let me see Your beauty"

i think i sang that song at school and church approximately 400 thousand times since then. at least once or twice a week. that and oceans by hillsong, but thats a whole different story. 

anyway, over the last few years, i've learned a lot about the importance of the words that we speak. there is a verse in the Bible that says "the tongue has the power of life and death" which makes me think a lot more about the words that come out of my mouth. because of this, i've become a lot more choosy about the songs that i'll sing. i don't want to declare words, even in song, that i don't agree with or really believe. just because they're singing a song at church doesn't mean i have to sing it too. make sense? (i could go on and on about the power i think words carry, but i'll get to the point...)

so when all is for your glory started being played everywhere i went, i consciously chose to sing those words. i genuinely thought about the words i was singing and the implications they might have. i was, with tears in my eyes, really saying send me literally anywhere. i'll go. i'm literally scared out of my mind to agree to that, but i trust You. send me anywhere as long as You go too." (and duh, obviously, Jesus is going too.)

who knew i'd actually have to put my money where my mouth is. 

over the last year at least 10 people, half of whom i didn't know, asked me in one way or another if i'd ever heard of/thought of going to an organization called Youth With a Mission or YWAM as most people call it. those people popped up over the course of a few months, and it didn't take me long to notice the theme. i had heard of YWAM before, and it was something i had even considered doing, but taking 6 months to go do 3 months of discipleship and 3 months of international outreach was a little too scary for me. but i knew that all these mentions of YWAM were not just coincidental, so i told Jesus okay, i'll do YWAM. sure. knowing that He wasn't asking me to do it right that moment. 

all of that to say, although this may seem for some people like its coming out of left field, i've known about this in my heart for a long time. i just had no idea He'd say "go!" so soon.

SO, in january 2015 i am getting on an airplane to kona, hawaii where i will join people from all over the world to do a 6 month discipleship program. i'll be in kona for 3 months going through the "lecture" phase of the school, and then i'll be going with a team for a 3 month international "outreach" phase where i'll put all the things i learned in lecture to practice. right now i don't know where i will go on outreach as this is something the school leaders determine after all the students arrive. "send me literally anywhere" is beginning to hold a lot more meaning as i could literally be sent anywhere in the entire world. 

i have to be honest and tell you that i am really really nervous. i am 150 thousand percent confident that this is what Jesus has for me in this season, but i am truly so nervous. i am nervous about being gone for 6 months, i'm nervous about not seeing any of my friends, i'm nervous about going to a foreign country, i'm nervous about saying yes to a foreign country before i know which one it is, i'm nervous about what i might have to eat in that foreign country, i'm nervous about raising all the money i need, i'm nervous that i'll hate being in hot weather for 6 months. etc, etc, etc. BUT, this was so completely and totally the Lord's idea and i trust Him 100%. He already knows where i'm going, who i'm gonna meet, where the money is going to come from, what i'm gonna eat, etc etc etc. i have nothing to worry about. He's got it.

i am brainstorming some ways to raise the funds i need to make this happen. i've thought about selling prints or having an instagram auction or maybe going with the trusty old send a letter to people method. i will of course let everyone know once i decide what is the best route to go. :)

please be praying for me as i continue to work out all the details and prepare to head to hawaii in less than 3 months. so much to do, so little time!

for more information on YWAM go here.

Monday, September 15, 2014

a trip to my other home.

first i just want to say that i'm really sorry that this is basically just a play by play recap of my trip. i don't even know how to write a blog any other way. i'll work on it, i promise.

insert amazing transition here.

four blessed years ago, i had just made the drive to indiana for my first year of college. not a bone in my body ever wanted to live in indiana for a single minute past college. i thought marion was small and boring. it didn't have a target or a panera. my friends were hundreds of miles away. i could never imagine myself living there. i wasn't even sure why other people lived there. 

isn't it funny how things change. 

now, of course, i'd move there in a heartbeat. it still doesn't have a target or a panera, but those things are only a few miles away. i don't think its all that small anymore. i don't find it boring. so many friends are there. large pieces of my heart stayed within the lines of grant county. 

dev and stephen's wedding provided the perfect excuse to go back for a visit. i mean if i can't live there, i'm at least going to visit every chance i get. i posted the picture of the state sign on instagram with a caption expressing my deep joy to finally be back in this glorious state. several people were confused by that. i guess most people don't think indiana, the crossroads of america, have anything to offer, but they would be wrong.

so saturday morning, i hitched a ride back with chloë and james. it was a fabulous 3 hours with lots of talking, a really good podcast, some chipotle, and a stop in ft wayne to shop. bless.

once in upland, i was finally reunited with my one true love, max. or #hitinydog as he is known to many. max is one of two dogs on the entire planet who i will let into my bed. he joined me off and on for a nap or two. and he made the best reading buddy.

james grilled us hotdogs for dinner and we ate them on their magical front porch. i can't remember the last time i ate a hotdog. i'd say its probably been at leaaaast 6 -8 years. but i ate 2 and it was sort of really delicious. throw some spicy mustard on a hotdog and its amazing. who knew.

the next day was chlo + james' wedding anniversary, so i left them to have breakfast at the guys house. we had delicious pancakes, eggs and cat mugs. a recipe for perfection. me and kelly had a little afternoon snuggle session while the boys played chess (???) and we dreamt up instagram hashtags. thats the truth.

kel, luke and i also took a little trip to my favorite starbucks on the planet. we squeezed into a truck that i'm pretty sure is only meant for 2 people, but you know it just felt right. as we were leaving, luke rolled down his window and said, "oh i bet you don't want the window down because you did your hair." i had not done my hair that morning. in fact i had just rolled right out of bed. but thank you for noticing. what a compliment! you are the winner, luke.

later i headed back to chloë and james' to hang out before church. i snuggled with max, we watched tv and had tea. chloë has really spoiled me with all the british treats she feeds me. british cookies from waitrose, delicious chocolate and gummies. america needs to get her act together and offer something of this caliber. and of course chloë makes the best tea.

and then the moment i had been waiting for all week. all summer really. i walked back into this church. the one with the beautiful wood ceilings and the tall cross and the walls that i helped to paint. the one that holds my friends each sunday and is a part of so many of my best memories. the one i've laughed in and cried in and met Jesus in over and over again. there is no place i'd rather be on a sunday night.

kristen, nate and i matched, so i demanded a picture. i also got to wear a name tag again. i don't know why i love this so much, but i do. every time i see a name tag like these a think of kingdom life, even though i've worn name tags like these dozens of other places. i always save the ones from church. because i'm a hoarder. and entirely too sentimental.

AND I GOT TO SQUEEZE THIS FACE AGAIN. elizabeth and i met last year in a class we took together at church. i introduced myself to her and ashley afterwards. they asked me where i lived and it turns out they lived across the hall, two doors down from me. i was a loser senior and didn't know anyone in my hall. except them. my precious girls. i spent dozens of early mornings with this girl in mcconn and lots of nights laying in her bed. her, ashley and i drove back and forth to upland all together more times than i can count. most of those drives i would force them to listen to whatever new songs i had found that week, and i would go on and on and on about whatever was in my brain. they are the best listeners. i could learn a thing or two about that from these girls. they're wise and kind and so full of love. i'm sure its not hard for you to imagine my delight in seeing them again.

the next day, i said goodbye to james and chloë and upland and headed to marion. there weren't very many people on campus when i was there since school hadn't started, but i did run into my friend jenn a couple times, and i got to have the shortest coffee date ever with ashley. 30 minutes was not long enough. any amount of time with her is suuuuuuch a blessing, but i could have used at least 3 more hours.

that night i stayed with my bestie for the restie, amanda. she is an RA this year. i helped her with her decorations and did handstands on the walls and played my music too loud. i've been running around with this girl since she was in 3rd grade, so it makes me teary to think about how much we've both grown up since then. she is my person and i love her forever.

tuesday, mary drove to marion and we had lunch with our friend who is going to zambia for the semester. we also managed to get free coffee from our former place of employment, mcconn. thanks seth! then i had to say goodbye to mandy and one of us cried. it wasn't me. i hate it when she does that because then i cry. rude.

mary and i drove to indy where we had the best tacos on the entire planet at bakersfield. i dream about these tacos daily. they're that amazing. we went there last semester and i've been thinking about them ever since. i've wanted to go back so bad and she made it happen. i love her. i wrote about all the reasons why in here.

the next day was my birthday, so mary took me out for a delicious breakfast, and then we went to a local coffee shop that had the best sweet iced tea i've ever had. i bought some so i can make my own because woah. it was good.

and then i pierced my nose. i was really scared. i have the pain tolerance of a small child. i told the tattoo covered woman this and she laughed. she told me it felt like plucking your eyebrows or waxing them. "just like pulling a hair out, really!" WHATEVER. i've only plucked my eyebrows three times in my whole life and i've never had them waxed (blonde hair thankyouverymuch) so this comparison didn't really help. also IT HURT WAY WORSE THAN THAT so um, no it doesn't feel like plucking your eyebrows. again, WHATEVER.

she marked my nose to show me where it would go. i looked at it and said, "yeah i guess go ahead and poke a hole there." mary held my hand and i cried a little. i mean she just shoved the needle right through my nostril!

my favorite part of the whole experience was when i told her i was a nanny in california. our conversation went as follows:
tattooed woman: "oh california! cool! how big is the family?"
me: they have five ki-"
tattooed woman: "f***ing grosssssss!"

you know, cussing gross isn't exactly how i'd put it, but yes, i guess 5 kids is a lot? it made me laugh.

so there's a hole in my nose now. with a shiny metal thing in it. i went straight to a hoop because i guess i just think i'm cooler than i really am.

after that we had to go to the airport. that was a terribly sad moment. but i was grateful for the time i had with this precious friend of mine. we are nose ring twins now. if only i could get my hair as big as hers, we could be real twins. a girl can dream.

the cornfields of indiana always do so much good to my heart. its probably less about the cornfields and more about the people who exist in between them. but regardless, indiana is a place i'll love forever.

california is slowing making its way into my heart, but it'll be a tough competition to beat out kansas and indiana.

and don't worry grant county, i'll be back.