the result of my inability to adjust to the central time zone.

i find myself incredibly incapable of going to sleep before 2. which is only 11 alaskan time. i read on the internet that it only takes a day for every time zone that you cross to get over jet lag. and it has been 7. maybe if i didn't sleep until noon, i would be able to go to bed. but i always find myself with this need to accomplish all these tasks before i go to bed and then i lie in bed hoping for the night to go fast so i can get up and accomplish more things. for me, this is weird. i enjoy sleeping. i enjoy doing nothing all day long. but i have very quickly found myself back into the routine of running around nonstop and checking things off lists with this mentality that if i don't get it done today, its not ever going to get done. being back from alaska is strange for several reasons.

1. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want. there is no schedule, there are no time constraints, there is no one to tell me what needs to be done. i am in charge of myself for the most part. as much as i was craving this freedom during the summer, i want a routine. school starts soon(ish) and that will help with that. but for now. i just go, go, go all the time. 

2. the world is at my fingertips. literally. my phone is always within reach, i can find anything i need or want on the internet, if i need to go somewhere, i just get in my car (more on that later). i hate it a little bit. i liked having to work a little bit to communicate. i liked trekking all over camp if i needed to find someone instead of just sending them a text. don't get me wrong, there were days where i thought it was ridiculous. really? i have to walk allllllllllllllll the way to the gym just to see if so-and-so is there? today, i was shopping for backpacks with my precious little (ha.) sisters. i went to a different part of the store than them, when we needed to talk to each other, we just called each other. how ridiculous is that!? it would have taken less than a minute to find each other. earlier, my mom texted me from her room when i was just down the hall. seriously?! this is what the world has come to? i miss my detachment from the real world. 

3. all i want to do is shop. i did practically no shopping this summer and i feel like i need to make up for lost time. i keep thinking of all these things that i need. hello. i don't need any of them. i hate it. consumerism makes me want to puke in someone's shoes. 

4. i keep forgetting about things like blind spots and turn signals. driving is weird. thats all i have to say about that.

5. the squirrels here are huge. 

6. there is no oceans.

7. it is not socially acceptable to go days without showering.

8. i feel as though life is meaningless. booooooo.

9. its too hot to drink hot chocolate 4 times a day.

10. uh. its too hot period. 

i don't want to sound ungrateful for the wonderful life that we as americans live. i just wonder whats so dang wonderful about it. how many of us are truly happy? maybe a lot of us are. but what is it that is making us so happy? our stuff? our friends? living in the lower 48 like i did in alaska is going to be nearly impossible. but i'm holding onto as much of it as i can. 


"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." - John 4:35


ko.